We posted this gem on Casual Encounters thread this week:

I come with my own collar, food and water bowls and pet bed. Will you take care of me?

Now meet we’d like you to meet the subject of out Best of Craigslist this week: Rosie

Isn’t she cute? Let’s see what some people had to say.

rynqmb
doruhn

We have the VVC Rack team of Cryptographers trying to decipher this one right now.

Dear Cutie, u bettr not be fake, im in that mood ;] annnd mmm make me hard

What happens if we’re fake? Does he turn into a bucket of water or something?

Aaawwwwe, look at the puppy!! Hey there! Are you a good girl? You are not going to bite Master are you!?

No, she really just nips.

I’ll take care of u have u been a bad girl

We’ve included this one to sum up multiple replies that didn’t quite get the pet concept.

Hi,
I hope you are having a nice day. My name is Elton. I am a 51 yr old black gentleman. I am 6ft 195lbs, in very good shape, work out 5 days a week. Medium complexion, shaved head, I have been told I look younger than my age. I am a professional man with a long career. I love all types of music, the outdoors, cooking, gardening(both, flower and vegetable). I just enjoy life. Looking for a woman to romance, pamper and spoil. Wanting the day to be over so I can be in your arms. I love romance. If you may be interested, please feel free to respond back. If not, enjoy your life, and find that one person that makes your heart flutter. I hope I hear back from you. Have a great day!!

sincerely,
Elton
P.S. if you respond back,will send photo

I think we’ve been form lettered.

Want to relocate to Florida?
Send me a pic of yourself.

Not sure how to classify this one.

if u follow instructions i may give u a lollipop shape treat

Should we warn him pets like to chew their toys? Maybe he already know that and it’s more a mutual kink exchange.

so long as your trying make yourself my pet, and not trying to give me an animal, i’ll take care of you. You in heat, little pet?

We’re ending with this one. Kudos to you sir for finding us out. Yes it’s true we are bastards but that’s why we infest the internet. It’s bastard levels are very high and our presence does not impede traffic.

Of course we haven’t included the mass of emails that included phone numbers. For that you’ll have to listen to our show on Integrating BDSM into long term relationships when we call them on air.

As we look out over the city from the Certified Lair we pondered what had happened to the Best of Craigslist. Unfortunately after some jackass decided to commit jackassery though Craigslist it just hasn’t been as much fun since. We the Certified Sound team decided to spice things up a bit over in the causal encounters section just to see what happens. We did two posts one for W4M and one for M4W. Here are our results.

We’ll start with salacious wang our post went something like this:

W4M Dine In:
I want to be served on a platter. More accurately I want to be the platter. You bring the food, sushi’s best, chocolate’s fun and let me be your serving dish. I’ll be your serving dish as you and your friends get all they can eat.

Here are some of the responses we got:

33 yo MWM lookin for a platter for my chocolate. Send a pic and well go from there.

A

(Also included was a cute pic of himself and who we can guess may be his wife. We’re not totally hip to the CL lingo so we’re guessing MWM means Married White Male. Kudos to you sir and the lady. We’re leaving out this pic but don’t worry, the cocks will be a coming.)

Hello there. i am bill 32 6ft 170. i have brown hair blue eyes. i am in atlanta for a few days and have a hotel room to self and looking for company. Hope to hear back frojm you

(We give Billy boy extra points for freshness Thanks for showering first I guess.)

you have no idea how sexy you sound, and your not talking. its just words. I would love to take you up on that. Show you how deep my appetite goes.

(We have to give our man here extra credit. He’s already out shopping for diner.)

Of course we saved the best for last:

I LOVE TO EAT SUSHI

(Thanks bro, we see your point there.)

Now, enough with the dude parts. Lets look at our M4W spot.

M4W How to be a man

Effeminate male looking for a strong woman to teach him how to be a real man.

Now for the responses:

Hey I’m looking for some body for long term NSA hook up.
I’m 5′5, 135 pounds. message me back if you wanna hook up

(No pic but hay, we’re just getting started.)

Hello.
Thought I will come out with it and tell you that I reckon we shud meet up soon.
First I need to ensure that your the right boy!! There is a really easy way to be certain.
If you like the idea of coming to my place… so us 2 really get to know each other well get back soon.
See some foties …
(Link Removed)
Providing you like it n want to chat straight away… well get back to me! As quickly as possible.
Oh… & be sure to tell me when you will be free to meet.
Chat soon!
Sophie xxx

(Here are a few of the less identifying images from the link.)

We got one that just a phone number and another with just a picture of a woman holding up a sign with contact information. Unfortunately too much was in that last picture that we really couldn’t crop it enough so hgere’s our fav:

So there you have it. Roughly two days or replies. Apparently spelling is not important to the hook up. Maybe we should include Dinning in our next post. We’d like to thank everyone for their cock and kitty pics we didn’t really ask for them but we’re happy to put your junk on display.

That’s about it for this weeks Best of Craigslist. Remember kiddies, as you hunt through Craigslist, we will be watching.

We’ll my lovely loyals it is not that I no longer dare brave the morbid depths of Craigslist to bring you the best of the worst but with the advent of self regulation post one Craigslist killer it seems the well has run dry. I’ll be checking in from time to time to see what’s there, maybe it’s just a summer lull. In the meantime for those of you checking Craigslist if you see something you think should be on the Best of Craigslist send it to me and we’ll share it with the world.

Send your submissions to: CertifiedSound [at] VVCRadio [dot] com

Danny: Summer lovin’ had me a blast

Sandy: Summer lovin’ happened so fast

Danny: I met a girl crazy for me

Sandy: Met a boy cute as can be

Both: Summer days driftin’ away, to uh-oh those summer nights

Everyone: Uh Well-a well-a well-a huh

Thunderbirds: Tell me more, tell me more….

Yes summer time is in full swing and that means summer kinks are all over Craigslist.

Now you may be wondering how Grease and a Foot Fetish go together like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong. A few months ago we were talking with Domina Raquel Whips, out interview with her is available in the archives. We talked about what kind of kinks she was seeing. The first thing to come up was Foot Fetish. It would seem that as the temperature warmed up more people ere getting to openly explore this one. You know because six stilettos don’t look out of place in the summer.

Apparently we must have hit a kinky boiling point this week. Our Adult Gigs were loaded with foot worshipers and and kinkers. I’ve always been more of a Winter but, sometimes Summer can be a wonderful thing.

This weeks best of Craigslist goes out to all the ladies.

It’s been a while sense I’ve seen the panties patrol cruising Craigslist and my lovely loyals I’m proffering this little gem up just for you. Unlike most of the BoCL I’ve left the contact data open for any entrepreneurial females who want to give them a ring. Just remember everything out cat wants can be done through a post office, no need to meet the electric pantie man thanks to the power of PayPal. Just make sure your name is not listed.

Well my droogs we’re going to keep this one a little short. Pixie’s still sleeping and I think I might just go play Underpants Gnome.

Oh and just for fun:

The Home of the Underpants Gnome

Someone queue the Bon Jovi then someone else do violence to them for listening to me. This is it kiddos we are at the official half way mark and it even falls on a holiday. So without further delay I give you the mid year double sized Best of Craigslist.

Our fist lovely winner is more of a warning. Send your galleries, you videos your kinky stories yearning to be free. Well they may elude to paying you but as the Tuggernauts enjoy your ‘hard work’ good luck getting anything back. Sure I could be wrong, maybe it’s normal to ask for everything up front. Maybe thenaughtywife.com is on the level. Maybe the sun and the moon will align and the earths magnetic poles will reverse in out lifetime.

More power to the hot wives out there who want to do a little dance, make a little love and get down tonight, but sometime when we touch the honesty’s too much. If there’s someone out there who wants to test the waters for Certified Sound we can get you the obscured information. Until we can find someone willing to dance sexy for them though I think we’re going to have to call bullshit on the naughty wife.

Now on to more amusing matters.

Now I think we could sum this one up with: Read the Adult Gigs section before you post to it. You want a free site that allows you to post escort gigs no strings attached? Maybe they didn’t noticed the other eighty nine on the Adult Gigs page before they posted. We’re going to go with the eighty nine and give room for the guys looking for Maggie Gyllenhaal or something like that. Got to love those personal assistant jobs.

There’s no school like the old school and there’s no time like right now. We’re digging back in for another installment of the best of Craigslist.

Here we are, almost half way through the year and on one of my favorite subjects: Da’bit. That’s Da’ Butt for those who don’t speak Ladies Manese. Well actually we may not be on the butt. According our man here he’s looking for someone who knows how to “please sexually and anally…”

Now this could be (and likely is) a look at the most unholiest of holies. As written though our man, we’ll call him Leon, is looking for a lady who can please rather obsessively. Now I’m not one to criticize but I think there are some easier ways to put that one, no pun intended.

Although, our man Leon may mean something else entirely. Despite the work of Dan Savage over at Savage Love and his fans not everyone if familiar with the term pegging. This would involve a man a woman a strap on and the mangina. Which would make sense since I think the pleasure for our lucky lady would be more psychological than physical as she pumps the bilge.

Either way, we at Certified Sound wish you luck in your adventures. This is DJ Certified saying remember, try not to clench.

This week we’re changing things up on the Best of Craigslist. I mean really, how many times can you make the same “Delivery Man” joke? Instead this week we’re bringing you a contest from out there beyond the monitor.

Fairly straight forward, I’m not even blocking out any of the contact information in case any of our listeners would like to take a shot at shooting for stardom and fifteen hundred clams for the queen of clams.

Did I just write that?

Anyway, I’ve been doing some digging and even emailed XXX-Hibition but at this time I can neither confirm nor deny the validity of this contest. So my little squirts enter at your own risk. Have faith though, should our swingers contact Certified Sound updates will follow.

So many missed connections, so little time. Now this isn’t your standard, I saw you in the super-marked holding the Breyers this is something special. This is the Best of Craigslist. Let’s dig in shall well.

Now Lucidious and Alabaster are already well familar with my fondness of the T-Girls, if only they wanted the Grannies… Anyway, not to get too off track, within the week we find this little gem… and have faith my Droogs this wouldn’t be the Best of without it’s companion we find this:

That’s right, a Tranny Star looking for work. Now here’s where it just gets weird. Look at the compensation fields. That’s right an exact match. I’ll leave the odds up to the statisticians but I’m willing to guess the stars aligned and a Great Old One smiled upon this union.

So it’s a few days late but there’s a good reason. This weeks Best of Craigslist had to wait for Pixie and your sultan of sexy to get back from Vegas. That’s right, Papa Cert visited the mother of sin Las Vegas. When did we go? When else during the adult industry convention: X-Biz. So not so live from Vegas we bring you this week’s Best of Craigslist.

Drink it all in. It was between this and hypnotherapy for curing scaredy wang. In the end though there was no real competition. Only in Vegas can you make a living conning strippers into making a movie for you. Truly a well planned ad, our winner has targeted one of the groups we’ve featured several times prior on the Best of Craigslist. From stripping lessons to private poles to practice with, it’s as if people out there are targeting these enterprising young women working their way through college or helping their sick family members.

Maybe I’m off on this one but the last time someone video taped me for a show, I got paid not the other way around and for those devoted views who have gone through the pictures, it’s not like anyone’s paying me to take my top off, maybe put it back on, but never off. We all know girls just want to have fun but that doesn’t mean you should take advantage of them. I implore you, can’t the strippers of this world be allowed to dance naked or partly naked in peace? Why must they be tormented so?

These are questions I have no answer for, but I ask because they must be asked. Stay tuned the best of Craigslist will be back next week on it’s normal day.